In Between
by MarieLewis
Summary: Madge doesn't like Gale Hawthorne. As far as she's concerned, he's an assuming prick that spends more time judging people than anyone ever should. She keeps her beliefs close to heart... until she can't anymore. AU. Gadge Madge and Gale make it through the war, but the struggle isn't over yet.
1. Madge

"_I want you to know something, before- well, just before."_

"_Is something wrong?"_

"_No, I... no. I don't know how to tell you."_

For the record, Madge hates that she has money. Money has never given her anything worth remembering.

In fact, all money really does is take things away.

Her father works all the time. Madge is not being over dramatic about it; he really works all the time.

She has barely ever spent time with her dad, and what little time she used to have with him when she was younger, well, it mostly involved sitting quietly in his office while he made phone calls.

Everything was always more important to him than she ever was.

Money took away her chance to ever be like anyone else.

Madge liked to think she was a nice person. It couldn't be her personality that made both the town and Seam kids treat her like a virus.

They don't like her because she was different... different because of money.

Money can't help her mom.

Okay, well, that isn't entirely true. If there's anything money's good for, it's that. Morphling does not come cheap.

Madge isn't totally ungrateful, but it's moods like the one she's in now that really make her forget the 'good' things in life.

"_Just blurt it out, Undersee, I'm sure I'll manage fine."_

"_I'm sure you will. It's me that's the problem._

Madge doesn't mean to wear nicer clothes than everyone else in the District, but she can't just waste what her parents buy her either.

She doesn't mean to seem like a snob, but everyone thinks of her as one anyway. Especially Gale Hawthorne.

The happiness Madge feels for Katniss and Peeta's return from the Hunger Games comes with a flipside. Her house is crawling multi-colored Capitol citizens.

As mayor of District 12, Madge's father is obligated to room whatever high class whack-job that decides to stalk the new Victors.

If this year's Victors weren't her best, well, only, friends, she'd be giving them her most hostile attitude right now.

As it is, they are, so she bares the insults about her clothes, hair, home, and food, with aplomb, and get's the hell out of the house as fast as she can.

Most days she heads out around 11:00 in the morning and returns at 8:00 in the evening. 9:00 if she's feeling particularly daring.

Her father, though hardly ever around, has their maid, Anna, tell him what time she gets in at night.

It actually kind of pisses Madge off.

Today Gareth, Virula, and Pernia, (blue, purple, and yellow, all with elaborate tattoos and hairstyles) are in rare form. They eat all the food Anna makes for breakfast, leave their mess, and proceed to pester Madge about the boring state of her hair and skin.

"Blonde simply isn't in anymore, Madgey!" exclaims Pernia in a drawling accent that makes Madge want to bang her head against the nearest wall. "Let me give you an orange! I think you'll look lovely with orange!"

Madge fakes a smile and declines.

Scratch the irritating accent, it's the constant need to say everything with an exclamation point at the end that makes hard-wood walls so much more enticing.

It takes some pretty creative excuses, but Madge is out of the house by 10:00, ready to take a stroll through and enjoy what's left of her morning.

Madge ambles slowly down the road leading into the Square, her mood much lighter now that she's a good distance from her house.

It's somewhat quiet this early on a Sunday, the shops in town aren't open yet, but Madge can see the lights are on in the Mellark bakery as she walks passed.

Madge stops walking as she reaches the intersection between the Seam and the Victors' Village. She's never actually been in the Seam before. She and Katniss weren't the 'visiting each others' houses' type of friends.

On one hand, Madge is dreadfully curious, on the other, she knows she'll stick out like a sore thumb. Madge also gets the feeling the she wouldn't be at all welcome.

With a sigh of defeat, she drags herself down the path to Katniss' new home, figuring she can ask Katniss and Prim if they want to join her pointless ramble.

Madge hates that she can't be like everyone else.

She isn't even a normal 'townie' for Pete's sake!

Not that anyone from town would venture into the Seam. Madge imagines they wouldn't be as rejected as she would be though.

Peeta's is first in the row of houses, Haymitch's is in the middle, and Katniss' just after, as Madge strolls by, she wonders how Peeta is handling being away from his family.

Alone in a big house like that after all the horrible things he'd seen in the Games? Madge doubts he's doing all that well.

She wants to ask him to accompany her as well, but she knows there's some sort of weird tension going on between him and Katniss. It wouldn't be right for her to put either of them in an uncomfortable position.

Madge knocks three times and waits for someone to answer the door, she can hear voices talking inside from her station on the porch and hopes she isn't interrupting anything.

The door swings inwards, and Prim's head pops out around it.

"Madge! What are you doing here?" Prim pulls the door open the rest of the way to let Madge over the threshold. "Is something wrong? Do they want Katniss?"

Prim looks a mixture between pleased and anxious. She must think Madge is here to fetch Katniss for an interview or something.

"No, I just came to see if you guys-" Madge stops talking at once when she sees who's entering the hallway on the opposite side.

Gale Hawthorne is not one of her favorite people in District 12. In fact, she can count her favorite people on one hand, and he doesn't make it anywhere near that list even if she used her other hand and all her toes.

Katniss is walking with him, obviously leading him to the door.

Cripes, it's barely past 10:00 in the morning, what is he doing here already?

Gale stops walking when he sees her, his lips thinning and his eyes narrowing. Madge responds in kind. The Everdeens aren't _his_, and if he wants to act like a territorial... _animal_, well, Madge isn't just going to lie down and take it.

She has principals.

"Madge, hi," says Katniss, coming nearer. They exchange a short hug and tight smiles.

"I came to see if you and Prim wanted to go for a walk," Madge says, hoping her voice doesn't sound as stiff and prissy as she thinks it does. Stupid Gale and his stupid judging words.

He makes her feel like her skin is too tight and constricting. She hates that he can make her so uncomfortable.

"Um, actually, Gale and I were going to go hunting so..." Katniss trails off, biting her lip and fidgeting with the end of her braid.

Madge wills herself not to look at Gale's smarmy expression because she knows, she _knows_ it's there.

"I'd like to go for a walk, Madge, there's nothing to do around here anyway," Prim pipes up, pulling on Madge's arm, "Let's see if Peeta wants to come! He says his house is too big and too boring."

Prim pulls her right back out the door, prattling on about her goat, her cat, and, surprisingly, Rory Hawthorne.

"He watches Lady for me when I can't get to the Seam to watch her myself," she tells Madge as they mount the steps to Peeta's porch. "And he comes over sometimes, when Katniss is busy with Peeta or Gale. Rory's really nice. He just pretends he isn't in front of other people."

Madge nods in understanding as she knocks on Peeta's door, listening to Prim's chatter idly.

"Hang on!" Peeta's voice calls through the door. Madge can hear him shuffling down the staircase.

"Okay!" Prim calls back, smiling happily at Madge. "I like Peeta, he's really nice. Sometimes he let's me come over while he's baking."

Peeta pulls the door open and motions for them to come inside. "Hey Madge, nice to see you."

The whole house smells of freshly baked goods, but the scent only gets stronger as he usher them into the kitchen.

Prim sighs audibly as they enter, and Madge has to suppress one herself. The counters are covered in different types of breads and pastries. Madge turns to stare wide eyed at Peeta, who is blushing and scratching the back of his neck.

"Hungry?" he asks weakly.

"Peeta..." Madge starts, but Peeta looks pointedly at Prim mouthing, 'later'.

Madge leans against the counter, watching Peeta sit Prim at the table with a cup of milk and danishes. He looks tired. There are dark smudges beneath his eyes, and he is favoring his Capitol provided leg more than he usually does.

"How's Katniss doing, Prim?" Peeta asks, sitting down beside her with his elbow on the table, his head resting on his hand.

Prim takes a second to finish chewing, wrinkling her nose at Peeta as he waits. "She's tired a lot," she says after she's swallowed. "Sometimes I can hear her having nightmares."

Madge watches as Peeta's expression turned grim, he probably has the same problem, she thinks.

"She'll get better, Prim." Peeta assures her, "She just needs a little time."

Prim nods solemnly and keeps on eating.

Peeta looks up at Madge, his face pinched and weary, "So, not that I mind, but what are you two doing here so early?"

"We came to see if you wanted to join us for a walk." Madge pipes up.

"If you aren't too busy." Prim adds, smiling sweetly.

Peeta laughs, "I'm never too busy for you, Primrose."

Before long all three of them are walking the dusty road back into town. Prim stands on Peeta's right, her arm looped through his, Madge on his left, trying to appear nonchalant as she scrutinizes him.

He notices though, and squeezes her shoulder.

"I think we should go to the Meadow," Prim says happily, "It's really pretty round this time, and we can check on Lady on the walk home!"

She sounds so bright and cheery that Madge can't say no, even though she knows they'll probably run into Gale and Katniss coming out of the woods if they stay long enough.

Peeta jiggles Prim's arm, "Whatever you say, Ms. Everdeen." He raises his eyebrows at Madge and gives her the first genuine smile he's mustered so far.

Maybe going to the Meadow isn't such a bad idea after all.

Madge watches her feet as they wander through town, she wonders how long she can avoid going home, and how much time she'll have to spend _outside _of her room when she gets there.

District 12 has never had a Victor in her lifetime before, and the camera crews packed into her house need to go.

Before she explodes.

"-right, Madge?"

Madge looks up from her feet in time to see Peeta tilting his head, looking at her inquisitively.

"You okay?" he asks, nudging her shoulder.

Madge grimaces, "Yeah. Just...thinking."

"About what?" asks Prim, peeking around Peeta to get a look at her.

"Don't be so nosy, Prim," Peeta chides gently.

Madge waves him off, "It's fine. I'm thinking about running away from home."

Their shocked reactions are enough to make her laugh and push away her moodiness.

"I'm kidding. I just don't really like being at home right now, it's a little... crowded."

She exchanges a meaningful look with Peeta who frowns sympathetically.

By the time they reach the meadow the sun is high and shining. It isn't too hot yet, but Madge knows that will change in a few hours.

Madge plops down beneath a tree the second she reaches it, lying on her back and staring up through the leaves. If only her house could be this peaceful.

She doesn't want to judge people, and goodness knows she's no model human, but they're so... _fake_.

They talk in fake nasally voices, their hair is fake, their very bodies are fake!

And worst of all, they're all here to bug Katniss and Peeta.

Leave it to the Capitol to ruin what semblance of normality the two have left.

Madge lets out a heavy sigh and puts an arm over her eyes.

Without looking, she can sense Peeta sitting down beside her, his feet brushing her side. Madge peeks out from under her arm to glance at him. His back is against the tree, his eyes closed.

"Do you think they'll leave anytime soon?"

He sounds so weary Madge feels like a selfish prick for being so irritated at her current situation.

"I don't know. Hopefully soon. If anything, they'll because 12 is so deadbeat they can't take it anymore."

Peeta chuckles, tapping his foot against her side, "Maybe so."

Madge moves the arm over her eyes behind her head and turns to look at him, "Are you okay?"

Peeta breathes deeply, pressing his fingers against his eyelids, "I don't know."

She wishes she could help him, but as he opens his eyes and catch each other's gaze, she knows it isn't her he needs.

More specifically, the one he needs is traipsing through the woods with an overgrown puppy named Gale.

Madge snorts to herself, disguising it as a cough so Peeta won't think she's laughing at him. She sits up, looking around, she spots Prim a few yards off, picking dandelions.

Well, Prim picking dandelions, and an unmistakable towering figure dusting himself off as he walks towards them.

Madge doesn't bother to hide her annoyance from Peeta when she sighs noisily.

"He isn't my favorite person in the world either," he murmurs quietly. "Feelings kind of mutual."

Madge looks round at Peeta in surprise, her hand clapped over her mouth to smother her grin.

"Gale!" Prim's shriek echos in the quietude as Gale swoops her up and over his shoulder.

Peeta and I exchange another look as Katniss comes up behind him, her braided hair glinting in the sunlight.

"Guess we better get up," Madge says, making a face. She stands, pulling Peeta up as well.

She is dreading looking at Gale's stupid face with it's judging sneer.

"How was the hunt?" Peeta asks as soon as we're close enough.

Katniss shrugs, "Not a lot of game out this late."

Gale flips Prim back onto her feet, ruffling her hair playfully, "Whatcha got there, quarter-pint?"

Prim huffs, her face red and her hair mussed, but she holds out the dandelions for him to inspect. "They're for mom, she was sad this morning."

Katniss smiles tightly, "That's nice, Prim, we should get home so you can give them to her."

"I have to go back anyway, make sure Haymitch hasn't drowned in a pool of his own vomit." Peeta mimes a disgusted face for Prim.

Madge doesn't want to go. Not yet. The last thing she wants is to go back home.

"You guys go ahead," she says, ignoring Gale's presence beside Katniss, "I'm going to stay out here a bit longer."

Peeta nods in understanding and starts walking, Prim and Katniss trailing behind him. Madge eyes Gale impatiently, waiting for him to follow them and leave her in peace.

"How long were you planning on staying out here?" he asks, like it's any of his damned business. He towers over her, his grey eyes piercing and invasive.

Madge crosses her arms over her chest and tries to appear taller, "However long I feel like."

She doesn't mean to sound snooty, but she can tell Gale thinks she does by the way he scoffs.

"Just don't stay until dark," he muttered, rolling his eyes and stalking off.

_What does that even mean?_

For a moment, Madge is torn between calling after him and sticking her tongue out at his back. She opts to park herself beneath the tree she had claimed earlier.

_Insufferable oaf. He doesn't deserve her thoughts. _

She doesn't hate Gale Hawthorne. She _doesn't_. She just thinks that he thinks that _he's_ got _her _all figured out. He totally doesn't. And he's rude... and mean. And he always judges her.

But she doesn't hate him.

It's complicated.

Madge lays in the grass, staring at the clouds and dreaming of freedom.

Gale Hawthorne thinks money makes her free.

But it doesn't. It really doesn't.

Somewhere between imagining what life would be like without a fence, oppression, and poverty and rationalizing her strong opposition to one hulking beast, Madge must have fallen asleep.

One minute the sky is bright, vibrant, full of life, and the next the sun is sinking beneath the trees and she's being nudge by a coal-dust covered boot.

Madge sits up immediately, a scream catching in her throat.

"It's a real stupid idea to fall asleep out here alone."

_Speak of the towering devil..._

Madge's hands go to her hair, pulling out the twigs and grass that are now lodged there. "I wasn't trying to," she mutters, certain her face is bright red.

"Yeah, well..." Gale trails off, leaning down and yanking Madge up by her upper arms as though she weighs nothing.

Madge stops fiddling with her hair and glared up at him. "I think I can handle myself now, thank you."

Gale scoffs, "Yeah, I can see that. Were you planning on walking through the Seam in the dark too?"

Well, in point of fact, Madge hadn't even thought about it. _Because she hadn't planned on falling asleep._

"I don't see how it's any concern of yours." Maybe her pride is a bit much, but it's all she's got.

"I'm sure it isn't," Gale says dismissively, "Let's go."

He turns and stomps off, leaving Madge to follow in his wake whether she likes it or not.

The light of day isn't completely gone, but the long shadows and not-so-nice houses do make the walk home a little creepy.

Gale stays silent the whole time, and Madge is too busy trying to keep up to talk. Not that she'd know what to say.

Gale stops when he reaches the end of the Seam, his hands shoved deep down in his pockets. "You shouldn't wander around in the Seam at night, Undersee, not everyone's pleasant and you stick out like a sore thumb."

In one sentence he manages to make her feel like small and parasitic. Only Gale Hawthorne.

"I'll try to keep that in mind," Madge sniffs, straightening her spine.

Gale shakes his head and turns around, walking back towards his own house. Madge does the same, but her mind is whizzing with questions unanswered.

_Why on earth would Gale Hawthorne, of all people, go back to check on her?_

That was the first of many weird encounters with one, hulking mass of eyebrows and piercing eyes. After that, he seems to be everywhere she is. Well, that isn't fair, she's only ever at Katniss' house or in the meadow. District 12 isn't exactly a place for sightseeing.

And she really doesn't see him all that often. He works in the mines, so he's pretty much only around on Sundays or Saturday nights, the odd weekday, occasionally.

The weird part is that he isn't making snide remarks about her. He isn't actively including her in conversations, but he isn't purposefully treating her horribly or ignoring her either.

It's a weird in between world she seems to be caught in.

Whatever it is going on with him, she's too timid to ask, and worried that if she does he'll go back to being all 'eyebrows and insults' again.

It all comes to a head on a Sunday at Katniss' when Mrs. Everdeen asks her to stay for dinner. Madge says yes before she realises Gale will be staying as well.

Dinner is quiet, but not too uncomfortable, somehow Madge manages to answer Mrs. Everdeen's questions, and Gale manages not to mock her answers.

Madge is almost happy at the end, but that feeling flies out the window the minute Mrs. Everdeen opens her mouth.

"Gale, walk Madge home, will you? It's late, she shouldn't be out alone at this hour."

_Oh, but Mrs. Everdeen, you don't understand._

But of course Madge can't say that. She also doesn't have a good excuse ready.

And that's how she finds herself walking side by side to her house with Gale Hawthorne.

He is silent, at first, but eventually the quiet is too loud for them not to speak.

"What d'you think this year's Quarter Quell will be?" Gale asks, glancing sideways at her.

Madge fiddles with the ends of her hair, "I don't know. Probably something horrifying and tragic." She kicks a rock angrily, "I just wish there was something I could do to help them."

Gale breathes out sharply, "Yeah, don't we all."

Something passes between them that night. Madge doesn't say anything more, and neither does Gale, but she feels like maybe, just maybe, they've reached common ground.

When he drops her off at her back door, he mutters a quiet, "Night, Madge." and Madge watches him walk away before she goes inside, trying not to think too much about the fluttering feeling in her stomach.

A month later, Madge is beginning to think she imagined the whole 'common ground' thing because Gale goes back to ignoring her existence.

It bothers her. She admits it. She wants him to... to... Madge doesn't even know. She just likes to be liked. Or she's just tired of people not liking her.

She isn't shallow, it's not that. For some reason she cares about what he thinks of her.

It's blistering cold these days, the snow falls thick and heavily all night, leaving Madge to trudge through sludge to get anywhere.

Her house is being prepped to have more 'guests' now that the Victor Tour is nearing. Usually, Madge loves winter; especially snow. She thinks it's wonderful and romantic in some ways.

Now she hates it. She won't be able to go outside if it keeps snowing like this, and staying at home when 'guests' are over is a torture she cannot bear.

Madge is stomping through town on errands when she sees it.

Her heart is suddenly clogging her throat.

There's a man tied to the whipping post in the middle of the square. Shirtless and shivering.

The sound of leather slapping against flesh snaps her out of her frozen state.

For a minute, Madge is sure she will faint or vomit, the man tied to the post is none other than Gale Hawthorne.

Madge doesn't tell Gale how she ran, trembling and sobbing, to pilfer medicine from her mother. She doesn't tell him that she was sick in bed with a cold for a week after. She doesn't tell him how her heart stopped, and her stomach heaved.

She doesn't tell him anything.

Madge has had what she is sure must be a wake up call.

She is petty and selfish, just like he'd always insinuated. She has never had to worry about starvation.

It's in her mind constantly, it's stuck there like gum under a desk. Gale Hawthorne was punished for feeding his family.

And it makes her sick to her stomach.

The next time she sees him, she knows why she cares so much.

Madge has spent a lot of time thinking these past weeks, and somehow during that time, she's stopped thinking about what Gale thinks of her, and started thinking about Gale himself.

She admires him.

His strength and courage. His love for his family. His willingness to do anything he can to protect them, no matter the consequences.

The next time she sees him, she feels incredibly humbled. Her cheeks are flushed bright pink, she's sure, and she fumbles her surprised greeting.

Gale give her a weird look before he walks away, leaving Madge slump against the side of the shoemaker's shop in utter mortification.

What must he think of her, she wonders, but that's a stupid thought, she _knows_ what he thinks of her.

But he doesn't know what she thinks of him.

And that's a thought worth mulling over.

Madge makes a decision to tell Gale. She isn't sure how or when she'll do it, or what she's going to say, but she's going to do it.

If he can be brave, she can too.

Only Madge doesn't get a chance to tell him, at least not before the world explodes in flames around her.

In the time following, Madge knows only heat and pain. Days may have past, weeks even, but Madge feels nothing.

She is in between sleep and wake. Her body floating between sky and sea.

Sometimes it hurts, others it doesn't.

Madge dreads when it doesn't.

It's better to feel something rather than nothing.

Madge wakes in a room so white it blinds her. The air smells like antiseptic, but the man beside her does not.

Haymitch Abernathy isn't her favorite person, but seeing him makes her weep for joy.

He lets her hug him, and even pats her back to comfort her.

She knows why he's here.

It's because no one else can be.

"_You don't give yourself enough credit, Madge."_

"_You give me too much."_

"_I never gave you enough."_

Haymitch takes her in. Lets her stay in his unit here in District 13.

This place is cold and unwelcoming, but Madge won't complain.

She doesn't have the right.

She runs into him on her way to the mess hall, but she doesn't recognize him at first.

The man before her is wearing a soldier's uniform and looks older than the one she remembers from home.

Gale Hawthorne already has two feet in the rebellion, just home from his first mission, and more handsome than any man Madge has bothered to look at.

He smiles at her, clasps her shoulders, hugs her, and releases her just as suddenly.

Madge can't do more than sputter, her heart's in her throat, and Gale Hawthorne just hugged her.

They spend the next few weeks of Gale's temporary leave in some strange form of friendship. Madge thinks Gale's change towards her is because so little of home remains, he doesn't want to push away what's left.

Part of her likes to believe it's because he actually does want her company as much as she wants his.

It's the last day of his leave when she finally plucks up the courage to tell him.

He's standing in front of her, leaning against the wall outside his family's unit, his hair cropped short, and his face clean of bristles.

Madge wilts internally. He thinks he hasn't given her enough credit?

"I think you are..." her heart is thudding so heavily it's pounding in her ears.

"Madge, whatever it is, it can't be that scary," says Gale, rolling his eyes and shrugging his shoulders. He's trying to lighten the mood, she knows this, but he needs to know. Before he leaves, before something happens.

"I wanted you to know that you're the bravest person I've ever met, and I don't want anything to happen to you because I don't know what I'd do if something _were_ to happen, and I care about you, and I never thought of you as stupid or poor and I just wanted you to-"

Madge is forced to stop blabbering because Gale has stopped leaning against the wall to hold her by the shoulders and press his lips to hers.

Madge doesn't know how she feels about District 2 yet, but going back to 12 is not a possibility.

Leaving Haymitch was hard, and they both made fake promises to keep in touch. Haymitch already smells of white liquor, and she knows for a fact he wouldn't be caught dead answering a phone.

Madge sits on a swing in the recreation room, bare feet dragging against the fake grass. She has a place set up for her to stay at when she gets to 2. A job as well.

She's volunteering at a hospital there. It doesn't pay much, but they offered free room and board.

Gale hasn't talked to her since the end of the war, and Madge understands that he needs time, so she hasn't gone by the Hawthorne's unit to call him out on his absence.

They are, all of them, healing in different ways.

She and Gale are stuck somewhere between dating and friendship. All Madge really wants is a clearer picture, but she won't make life decisions based on their 'relationship'. Haymitch had actually talked to her about it. 'Talked' in the loosest form of the word. He'd basically grumbled that if she didn't want to come home he had a job lined up for her in 2, and to not act stupid over boys.

Madge swings a little higher, hanging her head back, her hands curling around the chains suspending the swing.

"I thought I'd find you here."

She drops her feet to stop the motion, pulling her head up. Gale looks like he hasn't shaved or slept in days. Or eaten for that matter, judging by how gaunt his cheeks are.

"I'm moving to District 2." Madge blurts as he nears her.

Gale falters for a moment, but keeps on until he's standing beside her.

He crouches in front of her, laying his hands, palms up, on her knees. She closes her own hands around them, squeezing his fingers.

A corner of his lip lifts in a ghost of a smile, "I was going to tell you the same thing."


	2. Gale

**_A continuation of In Between. _**

_"But it's alright, the hardest part is through."_

Gale knows what Madge is getting at. She's been bugging him about it for three months now.

It's been half a year since the end of Snow's rule.

Half a year since he moved to 2 with his family, and began work as a military official.

Half a year since he's seen Katniss, and found a reason to keep on living in Madge.

It's been 6 months, and Gale is still drowning in a sea of guilt.

So when Madge asks, (as vaguely as she can manage) if he's heard from 12 lately, for the millionth, -okay, maybe 5th time since they moved there- Gale snaps.

"I'm not talking to Katniss, Madge," he hisses at her, effectively destroying the dinner they're having with his family.

Gale doesn't blush, but hearing his mom sigh tiredly, and his siblings wordlessly excuse themselves from the table, he feels the shame creeping up his neck anyway.

Madge sets down her fork and knife quietly, the pasta on her plate barely touched. She looks at him. She's not expectant. She's not irritated.

She drives Gale nuts.

He leans his elbows on the table and rubs his fingertips in his eyes roughly.

"I'm sorry," he mutters finally, the words muffled because he has his hands pressed to his face.

He just wishes she'd stop trying to fix this. _When it can't be effing fixed._

Madge sighs softly, "It's alright," she says.

But it's not. And he's not.

Gale spends all day around trigger happy, angry imbeciles. Sometimes he feels like he's the only one who really knows what it's like to watch someone die by your hand.

That's why he took this job and stopped being a soldier.

He can't do that anymore, but he has to do something.

Sitting around a table strategizing how to keep the country from dying will have to be it. He just wishes the bureaucratic idiots he has to endure understood the point of those meetings.

"Look, Madge," he starts, but what is supposed to say?

_I'm an effed up loser that can't sleep because I can't deal with what I did. _

_I remember all of their faces._

Their screams will haunt him forever.

Gale's fingers slide up into his hair, and he pulls for all he's worth.

He can't keep this up. He _can't_.

He can't sit around at meetings and dinners and dates because he's sick.

He's sick with the reality of what he's done.

And he can't get better.

He doesn't even know where to start.

Gale looks at Madge, and somehow she must see through the shields and the walls he's built up because she gets up from her seat.

Her fingers tentatively brush his shoulders, becoming bolder as they slide along his back to pull him towards her.

She wraps her arm around him, using her free hand to pry his hands from his hair.

"It's okay," she whispers, leaning down to kiss the back of his head.

Gale hunches forwards, pushing his plate out of the way and burying his face in his hands once more.

He's trembling all over, and he can't speak because if he does he'll choke on the emotions he's trying to suppress.

Madge kisses his head again, runs her fingers through his hair. And Gale wants to be better. For her. For his family.

But he just... he's drowning.

0000

Time doesn't heal all wounds. Sometimes it deepens them.

It's been almost a year now, but Gale is stuck.

He operates on a surface only basis. He works, he spends time with his family and Madge, then he goes home and tries to survive.

Most nights he ends up sitting with his back to his bedroom door, a hunting knife in his hand, his eyes shut against monsters that no longer exist.

He sleeps with the knife under his pillow, terrified that if he isn't armed, something horrible will attack him while he's unaware.

Maybe it's irrational, but what is rational anymore anyway?

Gale isn't all crazy though, he knows he's sick.

He just doesn't think he can get better anymore.

0000

Gale isn't stupid, he knows Madge is wasting her time on him.

She beautiful and perfect, she'd probably have a line of men waiting at her door if weren't so bent on sticking around him.

In the past year, Gale has tried breaking up with Madge more times than he can count. Each time ends the same way.

Madge looking at him with sparkling blue eyes that see straight through his crap, and Gale in a mess of guilt and pain.

She never yells at him though, and Gale keeps pushing her.

Pushing and pushing until he can be alone in his misery. That's what he deserves.

His mom has no problem calling him out on his stupidity though. And when Gale announces that he's going on a trip to District 5 to oversee progress there, she sits him down and dismisses his siblings to their rooms.

"You aren't doing this." She tells him. Flat out, no beating around the bush.

Gale slumps in his seat, feeling very much a petulant 14-year-old instead of a full-grown, independent adult.

"It's my job, mom," he attempts to reason, but she knows why he's trying to leave. It's pointless to pretend otherwise.

"You can hide and wallow for as long as you want, young man, but if I have to watch Posy cry herself to sleep over you, or Vick fall apart again, you can explain your _job_ to them."

She leaves him sitting there, feeling like he isn't worth the dirt on the streets in the Seam.

He sits there, thinking about all he's done for his family, but when he gets over the hunting trips and the slips in the reaping bowl, Gale thinks about what his choices have done _to_ his family.

His mom is prematurely grey. Her hands ten years older than the rest of her.

Rory is a silent ghost. So thin and pale that Gale fears the slightest gust of wind will blow him away. Rory doesn't blame him for Prim. But Gale doesn't know how to be his big brother anymore. He doesn't know how to fix him because he doesn't know how to fix himself.

Vick has turned into a closed off, quieter version of himself. Gale remembers when his youngest brother would run out of school after the bell to launch himself into Gale's arms, babbling about his day.

Today's Vick barely speaks more than two words when prompted. He locks himself in his room and reads books that Madge brings from the library across the street from the hospital she's working in.

His little brother has nightmares about thundering explosions and the smell of burning flesh.

Gale hadn't been there in 13 to help him.

Posy is already 7, but she clings to him like a 3-year-old when he's around, and cries whenever he leaves. He can't bear to watch her when she's like that, but Rory always wanders over and pulls her away when she starts getting worked up.

His time spent building weapons didn't just rip Prim away, it ripped his family away too.

Gale sinks further into the sofa, replaying his time in 13. Replaying designing weapons with Beetee. He's just sitting there, memories washing over him, overwhelming him, drowning him, when it happens.

One minute he's remembering the feel of his rifle in his hand, and the next he's crouched over gasping for breath and watching as pods blow up in a street long destroyed. He watches as Boggs' legs are blown off, blood splattering the his pants as he runs in the opposite-

Just as abruptly as it starts, it stops.

His heart is banging against his ribcage, his eyes clamped shut, and his lungs forcing him to pant for air.

"Gale?"

Gale yanks himself into the present, running a shaking hand over his face. Posy is standing in her nightgown, her hair messy, and her fingers clutching the worn blanket she'd rescued from 12 when they'd ran from fire and hell.

Gale pulls himself together and opens his arms, inviting her to climb onto his lap.

He hides his face in her neck and holds her close.

But the look on Boggs' face is forever burned behind his eyelids.

0000

The second time it happens, he's in some fancy military do. Madge is beside him, dressed in a black gown that cinches at her waist and falls to her feet. Her hair is done up, and Gale is just tucking a stray piece behind her ear when he sees it.

There's a berry on her plate. It's probably just a coincidence that it looks exactly like the Nightlock pill he'd once had strapped to his arm.

One minute he's whispering how much he hates these things, and the next he's clutching her arm and clenching his teeth.

It's the Capitol sewers this time. Hundreds of mutts hissing and snapping at his legs. Images whirl around him. He's suffocating, drowning in a barrage of pain and fear.

He doesn't know how Madge does it, but the next thing he knows he's in the ladies restroom, with a wet handkerchief pressed to his face.

"Madge?"

_Did he pass out?_

"Oh thank goodness," she rushes out, her face pinched with worry. "What on earth happened?"

Her head drops to his shoulder, "You were shaking and murmuring things, and it was all I could do to get you out of there without anyone noticing."

Gale heaves a sigh and wraps his arms around her shoulders, "I'm sorry."

Madge pushes away from his chest to look up at him, "Don't be sorry, tell me what happened."

Gale chews the inside of his lip, his hands sliding down to her elbows, "I- I don't know what it is... It's- I..." He takes a deep breath, painfully aware of how much he needs to do this. "Madge, I think I need help."

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	3. Hers

_Don't let it fool you_

_Don't let it pull you down_

_Don't sit around, fall to the ground_

* * *

Madge isn't particularly fond of waiting. Even if it's for good reason.

She's been sitting outside the train station on a bench for the last 30 minutes and not only is it freezing cold, but her rear is starting to go numb as well.

The train from the Capitol is late. And by association, so is Gale.

It's been a month or so since he left District 2. The cover story is that he's taking care of political unrest in Panem. The whole truth is that he's been having weekly sessions with a head doctor.

Apparently, in the Capitol, there are plenty of those. Just not any in the District.

So while Gale's been away, Madge has been waiting.

He was able to visit once, two weeks ago, but only for a weekend.

Madge likes to think he's getting better. He definitely wasn't as angry and broody as he usually is.

Oh he complained about having to talk to anyone at all, and has threatened to quit and come home over the phone multiple times, but everytime he does, Madge changes his mind.

It's a tiring game, but Madge plays it anyway.

She isn't one of those flouncy, half-hearted sort of girls. She's lost too much, and seen too many horrible things to ever throw away their relationship.

The girls at work think she's crazy and desperate.

But those girls don't know the value in damaged goods.

Living in 12 taught her that. Being with Gale taught her that.

When something breaks you don't throw it out and get a new one. You stick to it and fix it because that's all you've got.

Madge shifts on the bench, rubbing her gloved hands up and down her thighs rapidly. It's probably going to snow tonight, if the darkening sky and the chilly wind is any sign.

Gale isn't damaged, and as far as Madge is concerned, he just needs a little nudge every now and then.

Madge knows that when he calls her to say he wants to quit, it's only because he wants her to remind him why he won't.

Not that he'd ever say that.

Gale is seeing a therapist for his post traumatic stress, not his pride.

There's a whistling sound in the distance, and Madge perks up, straining to her the chugging noises as the train nears.

Gale is home for a month this time. Then he goes again to be assessed, then, if Gale's okay, he's home for good.

Madge can feel tiny pinpricks in the corner of her eyes already, but she scolds herself firmly. She will not cry.

(But Madge forgets her internal scolding and is crying in Gale's arms the second he's off the train.)

0000

They make it home in the jeep Gale was given for work, Madge can drive now, but she doesn't own a car.

She doesn't really need one, the hospital is right across the street from her apartment, and the library she's going to start working at is a block or two down the street.

Madge clutches the steering wheel and sniffles lightly, her cheeks tinged pink in embarrassment.

Gale hadn't laughed at her for crying. He'd just hugged her, rubbing her back lightly.

Blowing out her breath, Madge glances at Gale through the rearview mirror, he fell asleep about 15 minutes into the ride home, but she kind of like the silence.

She needs to pull herself together anyway.

Seeing him after so long was harder than she had anticipated. Especially after the phone calls. She feels closer to Gale than she ever has, and they've been 'together' a year now.

Madge just hopes Gale will still confide in her without the phone and thousands of miles between them.

0000

"Gale's home! Gale's home!"

Madge can hear Posy chanting at the top of her lungs before they're even pulled into the driveway.

She turns in her chair to eye Gale, who is still sleeping, and leans over to shake him awake.

"Hey," she shakes his arm, "Wake up. Your mom made all your favorite foods. I don't think you're allowed to sleep through dinner, no matter how tired you are."

Gale moans in his sleep and yawns, but eventually blinks his eyes drowsily. He shifts in his seat, unbuckling himself and leaning his head on the dashboard.

"Forgot where I was for a second," he mumbles, sitting up straight again. He quirked his lips up at her, his grey eyes droopy with fatigue.

Madge returns his smile and kisses his cheek quickly, "Well, it's understandable. You've been away for a while."

Gale opens his mouth to reply, but Posy chooses that exact moment to come rocketing out the door, black hair streaming behind as she runs toward the jeep.

She is barefoot, a little grimy, and missing her two front teeth, but Madge thinks Posy is the sweetest little girl in the world.

Posy latches herself onto the outside of the passenger side door, her upper body balanced through the window.

She grins at both of them as widely as she can.

"Hey there, Pose," Gale says softly, pulling her little body through the window and setting his little sister on his lap.

Posy tongue sticks out through her teeth when she smiles, "I mithed you," she mumbles, suddenly turning pink and shy. She wraps her arms around Gale's neck and hides her face.

Madge takes that as her cue to slip out of the car and give them a moment.

Gale has many sides, and she knows which ones he prefers to keep private.

Madge walks up the driveway into the little blue and white house the family owns in the outskirts of District Two.

There's a white fence surrounding the yard, the house pushed all the way to the back, and the grass trimmed and neat around it. It isn't huge by any means, but it's definitely homey, and very much Hawthorne.

Gale is staying at home with his family, for now. He told her, during one of their calls, that one of his biggest regrets of the past year was the lack of time he spent with his family.

He's their older brother, but more than that, he's the man of the house they look up to.

"Madge, honey, can you get the plates?"

Gale and Posy don't come inside for another 10 minutes, by that time, Madge has helped Hazelle get the table and food to rights on the table in the dining room.

Vick and Rory crowd around their brother for 'manly' hugs and back slapping. Looking at them now, Madge wonders how horribly lonely Gale must have felt while he was away in the Capitol.

"Alright, you dummies, move so I can say hi to Ma." Gale's voice pulls Madge from her thoughts.

He strides into the kitchen, looking a mix between bashful and content. Hazelle puts down the serving spoons she'd been laying beside the food dishes, and opens her arms with a teary eyed smile.

Gale's arms wrap around her tightly, and Madge watches as she whispers words into his ear, and strokes hair at the nape of his neck with her fingers.

As Hazelle kisses the side of Gale's head and hugs him tighter, Madge is struck with a sudden and intense longing to be somebody's daughter again.

She misses her parents immensely, but even before the firebombing she hadn't been someone's 'child'.

Her father had always been away, at the Justice Building or sequestered in his office, buried in work. Her mother had been sick most of her life, there are few, blurry memories of hugs and kisses, but that's it.

Madge is swallowing the urge to cry when Hazelle releases her son.

Gale allows his mom to pull his head down and kiss his forehead before he pulls away entirely, eyes going straight for the food on the table.

It's such a predictable move that Madge has to laugh out loud.

Hazelle shakes her head, "That's my children, always thinking with their stomachs. Can't keep their attention for long when foods around."  
Soon they are all sitting around the table sharing a chaotic supper and funny stories about school and work.

Madge loves dinners with the Hawthornes. In fact, she's here more often than she isn't. Basking in the feeling of family and home.

She likes to think that one day... well, that one day she'll be apart of the family officially.

Gale hasn't said anything about it, and Madge supposes they haven't really had a chance to really _talk_ about them. What with work and settling in. This time around though, this time Madge wants something in her life to be concrete.

She loves Gale, really she does, (though she hasn't told him,) but she can't keep stringing along forever.

Not that he has been, stringing her along, that is. But if he's doing better now, she really thinks the mature thing to do is to figure out where _they_ are and if they even have the same idea about where _this_ is going.

"Madge got a new job," says Vick, shoving a potato into his mouth as soon as the words are out.

Gale raises his eyebrows at her expectantly.

Oh... right, she hadn't told him yet.

"I applied at the library down the street from my apartment, I just found out they hired me the other day," she says, shrugging like it's not big deal.

It kind of _is_ though. Jobs are hard to come by these days, especially because everyone is sort of figuring out what they can do besides what the Capitol forced them to. They're lucky to live in Two, this District is much more advanced compared to the others.

"Madge, that's great!" Gale exclaims, leaning across the corner of the table to kiss her. Madge turns pink and averts her eyes from everyone.

"Eeeewww," Posy groans, "No nasty kissing at the table!"

"Thanks," Madge mumbles.

Gale ruffles Posy's hair and kisses her cheek, "Don't be sourpuss, Posy."

"When do you start, Madge?" Hazelle asks, redirecting the conversation before Posy can make any other exaggerative statements.

Madge twirls her fork in the gravy from her stew, "Oh, tomorrow, they have to train me first, but I think I'll get the hang of it pretty quick. I spend enough time in there anyway."

Vick perks up at his end of the table, "Can you bring me more books then? Since you're working there now anyway?"

Madge nods, "Sure thing, Vick. But what about the last two I gave you?"

Last week she'd lent him a strange, little book called Sherlock Holmes and another called A Grief Observed.

The library didn't have very many books, but what they did have were delicate and old, donated from an underground collection a family in Two had started when things in Panem went south.

They were rather deep reading for a 13-year-old, but Madge thinks Vick is much more mature than his age. All the Hawthornes are.

Vick scrapes the last of his food from his plate, "Finished 'em. Can you see if you can find some other Sherlock Holmes books? I like those."

"I'll try," Madge says, but it is unlikely she will find one. Not all the books recovered could be salvaged.

"What do you say?" Hazelle asks Vick pointedly, nudging him with her finger.

Vick grins at her, "Thanks, Madgie."

Madge makes a face, and they all laugh.

She lets them, but turns her eyes towards Gale, catching his and sharing a secret smile.

"_Welcome home."_ she mouths.

"_I missed you." _he replies.

0000

Not a month later, Madge is wringing her hands in anxiety, trying to calm her nerves as she waits for Gale to pick her up.

They're going out for a picnic. Apparently, the moon is the closest to Earth it will ever be, and Gale wants to stargaze in the man-made clearing in town everyone has taken to calling a park.

He does this alot now, stares up at the sky, silent and contemplative. Sometimes he'll take her with him, sometimes not. Sometimes when he's staring up at the sky, peaceful and content surrounded by trees and cricket sounds, he'll start talking about therapy in the Capitol.

When he tells her he sees all the faces of all the people he's seen killed or killed himself, Madge has to catch him up in a hug so tight she's sure he can't breathe.

She isn't sure the hug is for her or for him at first, but when his trembling fingers clutch her back, and he sighs in relief, she knows it helps them both.

Gale sounded overly serious on the phone when he'd called her about tonight though. And the result is a scrambling Madge.

It isn't that she thinks he's going to break up with her. They're way past that.

It's the realisation that this is the last date they'll have before he leaves for the Capitol again.

He's been doing really well. When he doesn't see her, he talks to her on the phone about his day. Confides in her about what he's struggling with at work.

The difference between their communication now and before is staggering.

It wasn't awful before, but they were still in the stilted and perfunctory conversation stage when he'd left for the Capitol.

Madge doesn't know what to expect tonight, but she knows it's a goodbye, (a short one, but still) and she loathes goodbyes.

Gale beeps when he's outside, which he usually doesn't, but Madge can't do much but lock her door behind her and head down the stairs.

"Come on, woman! We've got places to be, moons to see." Gale chuckles at his cleverness, and Madge purposefully walks slower as she approaches his car.

"Don't get your pants in a twist, Hawthorne," she grumbles half-heartedly, pulling open her door and sliding into the passenger seat, "The moon will still be there when we- mmmph!"

Gale presses his mouth to hers the minute she's settled in her seat, effectively shutting her up.

_Which is exactly why he does it._

Gale pulls back after a moment, reaching out with a hand to sweep an escaped wisp of hair behind her ear. He leans his forehead against hers, "Hi," he breathes.

Madge can't help but smile, pulling his hand away from her ear to hold it, "Hi," she whispers back.

Gale pulls away, switching gears and backing out of the parking lot, "How was work?" he asks, pulling onto the road.

It's a short drive to town from here, but the clearing is a little further aways from the stores and shops that line the streets.

"Alright. Some other people donated books today. Cataloging stinks though, because we have to write it all down in this huge book, but it's nice that people are willing to share their books." She tells him, picking at her nails absently.

Gale's hand closed over hers to stop her. She'll pick them till they bleed without realising. She thinks it's a nervous tick she developed somewhere between the constant fear in 13, and the anxiety from moving out here.

She holds his hand as they drive.

0000

The moon hangs brightly in the sky. Fat and round, shining so bright the stars are faint.

They're sitting back to back, heads resting against each other's shoulders.

"You can't see the stars in the Capitol," Gale says suddenly, "The lights in the city are too bright."

"That's so sad."

Gale sighs heavily, "It is."

He's silent for a moment, then, "I don't want to go back, Madge."

She'd expected this. But she hasn't yet figured out suitable response.

Instead of talking, Madge lifts her head from his shoulder and turns around, crossing her legs Indian style and pulling him backwards until he is half leaning, half resting against her.

She wraps her arms around his chest and lays her cheek against the crown of his head.

"I-I know it feels weird... having to go there again," she starts tentatively, "But this time will be different. You've been doing so much better, and you haven't had a single panic attack. I am-"

She cuts off, letting out a shaky breath.

"Are you crying?" Gale asks, trying to look up at her.

She pinches his side, sniffling, "Shut up."

Gale laughs and settles against her again.

Madge forces herself to push through the lump in her throat, and the burning sensation creeping up her nose, "I am so proud of you. F-for admitting you needed help, and for going to the Capitol at all. I just- I know how hard it is for you to talk ab-about st-stuff to anyone, and-"

She is rapidly dissolving into a blubbering mess. All the things she's wanted to tell him the past two month come tumbling out of her mouth, accompanied by sniffing and tears.

Gale pulls away from her eventually, turning around and cupping her face in his hands.

"I did it for you," he says quietly.

Madge stops stammering.

"Because I-" he stops, breathing deeply and chuckling to himself, shaking his head, "Because I love you."

Madge gives up and cries freely. He loves her anyway, right? Might as well make sure he knows what he's getting himself into.

"I think you've been reading too many sappy books, Madge," Gale teases, pulling her legs over his lap, and cradling her.

Madge slaps at his chest half-heartedly and swipes at her eyes.

"I love you, too," she tells him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

They hug until Madge has to blow her nose.

_AN: So just had to get some GADGE out of my system. I seriously have a lot of really good (in my head?) GADGE AU, today's America, HG fics in mind, but I don't know how much people will like them... Let me know? Prompts are great too! They help get rid of writers block. _

_Another thing, feel free to spam me with messages, tweets, or asks. Your responses always help with writing! It's easier to write when you know people enjoy your work._

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_Twitter: danamrohr_


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